Of Old Boyfriends and Faking It
by whatshouldwecallme
Summary: Amy's attractive ex-boyfriend, with whom she is on good terms, comes to visit and causes a fuss. Kind of slowly Amy x Jake.
1. Chapter 1

**Full disclosure:** I don't speak Spanish so Google Translate was used. I am aware of my failure as a human being. Amy and her old boyfriend are supposed to be talking about him going back to visit his family who he hasn't seen in years, Amy says she hasn't been back to Cuba in years either. Also I don't own Brooklyn Nine Nine because FOX is the worst even though they have a couple decent comedies. *cue Britta-style rant about society*

* * *

Amy was on the final stages of the backlog of paperwork that was a result of a week of closed cases, one after the other. She was actually looking forward to two days off. Maybe she could try using those bath salts that Kylie gave her to help her relax. But then again, she didn't like the idea of sitting in a tub of water. Her mind dozed off and it wasn't until she heard her name said in such a familiar voice she thought she might be dreaming.

A rolled of ball of paper hit her shoulder and she saw the wide grin of her deskmate.

"Hey sleepyhead, you have a visitor," he said, jerking his thumb behind him and not taking his eyes off his computer.

Amy jumped when she saw the man waiting outside the gate. "Damian!" She shrieked, surprising herself along with everyone else in the room.

Jake saw her visitor and was confused. He was a tall, broad-shouldered, well-muscled man with caramel coloured skin and a crinkle-eyed smile. Jake didn't understand why they hurried towards each other and felt a surge of jealousy as Amy was swallowed by his big arms. He could be a relative, he thought, one of her brothers perhaps?

She was noticeably flustered, gazing up at him with wide eyes and touching her hair which was pulled back into a ponytail. This told Jake that this stylish man was _not_ a brother.

"Wow, it's so good to see you!" Amy smiled, offering him the seat by her desk, "What – what are you doing here?"

"Tengo un par de días antes de mi vuelo a La Habana," The man's voice was deep and perfectly suited his masculine appearance. Jake was not trying to hide his interest in this conversation, nor was anyone else in the room. And by the look on both Amy and her guest's faces, he suspected neither of them would notice if a bomb hit the building.

"La Habana?" Amy asked, "Vas a Caibarién ?" He had never heard her speak Spanish before which, now that he thought about it, seemed strange. She didn't sound the same as she did in English, she sounded more relaxed or something.

"Yo sólo estoy de visita. No he estado en años."

"Tampoco he," Amy said with a smile that also crinkled her eyes.

Amy was so surprised, her heart was pounding. They continued to talk for a few minutes, a quick catch up. Damian said he just wanted to see where she worked, and he wouldn't stay long because he knew she was busy, and if she wanted to have dinner tomorrow night to have a real catch up. After a few minutes he left, and Amy sat back in her chair, the strangest feeling coming over her. She felt light headed. She had _so_ not been expecting to see him.

As she sighed, Jake grinned at her, "So? Who's the dreamboat?"

She shook her head, "We were – my … he's my ex, but we're friends. We're still friends."

"Looked like it."

"What does that mean? We _are _friends?"

Jake clasped his hands together and did a cartoonish impression of her, gazing up with wide eyes and blinking a lot.

She then was concerned and stood up. "That is not accurate."

.

Amy tried to casually slink her way over to Gina's desk. "I need your help."

"That'll be five hundred dollars."

"I'm serious! If, let's say, hypothetically, I'm meeting an ex who I'm still friends with for dinner … should I tell him I have a boyfriend?"

"You should tell him you have a girlfriend and bring me along so I can look at him all night."

"That is not helpful."

Amy crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, she saw Jake and Rosa standing by the captain's office door casually trying to look like they weren't listening to this conversation.

"That guy's your ex? You had sex with him?" Asked Gina, impressed.

Amy's eyes went wide and she made a face, "what kind of question is that?" She shout-whispered.

"Well I mean, it just doesn't make sense. He's like a 9.5 and you're like a 3.2."

"Hey, now," Jake spoke up from behind the file he was peeking over at the captain's door, "Amy's at least a 3.8"

Amy groaned and threw her hands up. "Rosa, what do you think? Should I try to make him think that I'm doing so great and have a boyfriend and I'm super happy and just …"

"Are you doing great?" Jake said sarcastically.

"No. Why should he care if you have a boyfriend?" Rosa asked.

"Because otherwise he wins. Not wins, but … he probably has a girlfriend—"

"He definitely has a girlfriend," said Gina.

"I just …" Amy sighed, "I just want him to think I'm doing fine."

"You are doing fine, aren't you?" Rosa said.

"Yeah." Amy nodded with her whole body, "Yeah, I'm doing more than fine. I'm doing," she gulped," fantastic."

"Then don't lie to him. He'll probably be able to tell if you're lying. How long were you together?"

"Three years," Amy answered and Jake choked on air, exchanging looks of disbelief with Gina.

"What?" Gina said loudly, "you were with that dude for three years? You must have some crazy moves in bed or something. All this time I thought you were a psychotic virgin whom I could teach about life. You should be teaching _me_ your ways, Santiago!" Gina clasped her hands together and nodded with respect.

"Okay!" Amy put her hands up, "thank-you _nobody_, except Rosa. I am finished for the day. Goodbye," and she walked out with perfect posture.

* * *

.

Sorry about the shifting perspective I'm not actually a writer by profession but I just had this idea and had to get it down.

I have more ideas for another chapter or two, or maybe they will turn into their own stories .. who knows. Possibly involving Jake being this hypothetical fake boyfriend of hers, but not in the way you might expect. **Please tell me your thoughts :)**

ALSO if you haven't googled Melissa Fumero's husband David / seen his instagram, you need to. He is how I'm imagining Damian looking. They are such a hot couple I can't even.


	2. Chapter 2

**Full Disclosure:** I might be a psychic because what!? I totally called that episode. The old boyfriend story line has such good potential and I loved seeing Jealous Jake. Only Amy was way too good looking for that guy *cue Britta-style rant about how women in media are always portrayed as more attractive than the men* *Rosa/Charles for example like c'mon she is so obviously out of his league*

* * *

"You actually have a lot of nice clothes, Santiago," Gina said as she flicked through Amy's closet. It was a sunny Saturday afternoon and Amy had asked Gina and Rosa to help her get ready for her dinner. She didn't know why she was so nervous, really, she was almost embarrassed that she couldn't handle this on her own, but she needed some other women to talk to instead of going back and forth in her head. Gina and Rosa proved to be a great distraction since they decided wine was necessary for her preparations.

"You sound surprised."

"Because you always wear too-loose boring old secretary suits with dumpy button ups."

Amy's mouth fell open momentarily as Rosa gave a chortle from the end of Amy's bed where she had lain out a couple dresses of Gina's and a leather one of her own.

"Okay," said Rosa, "How do you want to look?"

Amy took a deep calming breath, clearly channeling her inner Beyonce, and said, "Flawless."

"I say wear the leather," Rosa folded her arms.

"I say wear the strapless spandex dress," Gina said turning around from the closet.

"I'm not wearing that, Gina," Amy picked up Rosa's dress and headed to the door, "It's not a realistic option, why did you even bring it?"

"Uh, you asked me to bring the nicest dresses I owned, sorry for exceeding your wildest expectations Ms. I-Haven't-Had-Sex-In-Over-A-Year."

Amy tilted her head back and headed to her bathroom, she never should have told them that. She was aware that to pretty much everybody else around her casual sex was not a big deal. Gina had been telling plenty of hook up stories since she got here, she remembered Jake's story about the weird M.E, but Amy just didn't see the big deal. In all her experience, random one-night-stands were not very good so she had made a _conscious __decision _years ago that she wouldn't have sex unless she had gone on at least four dates with someone. She had no problem with this. It's just when people started talking about sex so casually she got a little uncomfortable. After all, it was _private_.

She returned from the bathroom and gazed at herself in the mirror in her bedroom. Gina and Rosa stood behind her grinning. Rosa's leather dress fit fairly well, it had cut outs at the sides from her ribs to her hips and was shorter than anything she owned.

"Looks good." Rosa said.

"It does." Gina nodded, "But you should add some fishnets and big ol hoop earrings."

"I don't know," she tilted her head, "Maybe something more … understated. I thought that purple dress."

"The one that's basically a turtle neck?"

"It's not a turtleneck, Gina," Amy grabbed it off the bed and held it up to herself, "It's elegant. And risqué, it's got a really low back, you can basically see my shoulder blades."

"He's not going to be seeing you from behind when you're having dinner, Santiago! At least pick something with cleavage."

Amy groaned, "I'll go put it on, tell me what you think."

.

Jake stood outside Amy's building and rang the buzzer.

"Hello?" a voice that didn't sound like Amy answered.

"It's Jake!" he said in a sing-song voice.

"What do you want?"

"Rosa? Let me up, Amy called me."

Rosa opened the apartment door a few minutes later. "What are you doing here?"

"Santiago texted me saying," he looked at his phone " 'my apartment has been broken into by wild burglaring street dogs please help'. I suspected she was lying, but I couldn't take the chance she might have died from allergies."

Amy hurried down the hallway wearing the dark purple dress that she tried to straighten out as she walked, followed by Gina who had a half-full glass of wine in her hand.

"Why'd you call Peralta?" Rosa looked confused.

Amy brought her stiff hands up and said desperately, "You have to be my fake boyfriend."

Jake's eyebrows went up in surprise and he bit his lips while grinning at Amy's distress.

Rosa's mouth opened as she exchanged glances with Gina who looked just as surprised and said, "Whaaat?"

"Not like _that_!" Amy swatted her hands, and looked right at him, "I just need you to show up when we're almost finished eating and say we have somewhere to go so it doesn't turn into anything more than dinner, and don't have to say goodbye and try to restrain myself from kissing him." She said in one breath.

"I thought you said you were over him," Rosa raised an eyebrow.

"I am!" Amy flapped her arms as Jake closed the door.

"Doesn't sound like it," Gina squished her face and tilted her head.

Jake stood fairly quietly by the door, thoroughly enjoying seeing Amy so flustered, and trying not to think about that dress she was wearing.

"I am over him," Amy said with a calm voice, "It's just … I don't want to go to dinner and realize I still like him and end up acting stupid. I _don't_ like him but …" Amy glanced at Peralta, "He was really important to me, that's all. Even if we _could_ be together, I don't think I would. We broke up for a reason. He's always travelling and I'm always working. Our careers are incompatible." She shrugged. "It's just … it would be a lot easier if I could just tell him I had a boyfriend that way there's something solid there between us so I _can't_ flirt –"

"Do you even know how to flirt?" Jake smirked.

"— but if I accidentally do, it won't be anything because I have a boyfriend!" She looked around at everyone hopefully.

They all looked at her semi-unenthused and Amy didn't like this silence. "Please, Jake, I just need you to show up for two minutes and say we have somewhere to be. Please."

As much as Jake didn't want to meet this guy, he couldn't exactly say no to her when she was freaking out like this. She was looking at him so desperately. Plus, he thought, it might not be so horrible to get a chance to talk to her after the dinner to see why she went out with this guy in the first place. He glanced at Rosa whose narrow-eyed expression told him nothing, then at Gina who enthusiastically raised her eyebrows at him nodding. That should have told him to make up some excuse because anything Gina approved of would not turn out well.

"You should bring me, Amy," Gina begged, "I want to get a good look at him to see if he's as attractive as I remember."

"He is," Amy nodded quietly.

Jake then put his hands up, "Fine! I'll do it, but you owe me."

Amy squealed and jumped up, "yes! Thank-you!" Then she turned to Rosa and Gina, "Okay, so, how does this dress look? It's nice, right?"

"Fine." Rosa shrugged.

"Just fine?"

"I told you," Gina said, as the girls headed back to Amy's room leaving Peralta standing at the door as if he wasn't even there, "You need to wear my spandex dress. I always get laid when I wear it."

.

Amy ended up wearing a simple black dress with a wide neckline and little cap sleeves that hugged her upper body and fluttered away at the bottom. It was actually kind of nice having Rosa and Gina there, they went to her bathroom to put make up on. Rosa sat on the closed toilet with her glass of wine, asking a lot of questions about ex's and becoming a little protective as Gina and Amy told her about some of the previous men in their lives. Gina drew on Amy's eyelids and powdered her cheeks with surprising skill while recounting some of her best dates - which all sounded completely terrible. It was like they were friends.

Jake knocked on the bathroom door, "Amy," he whined, "What's your wifi password?"

"I'm not telling you! Just come in, I'll log you on."

Jake opened the door and grinned at the sight. Amy sat on the counter in a really nice dress while Gina drew red lipstick lines on her hand testing them. "Whoa, you guys are like, real girls," he grinned.

Rosa glared at him. "What, we're not real girls cause we're cops?"

Jake closed his mouth like a reprimanded child, "No, just … you know … make up …"

Amy rolled her eyes and stuck out her hand for his phone.

"So what time does this dinner end? I do actually have plans tonight," Jake said.

"No!" Amy shouted, "You already said you'd help me! I have your phone, Peralta! I'll hold it hostage!"

He held up his hands in surrender, "Okay, I _guess_ I could pause Olympus Has Fallen if I _had _to."

Amy rolled her eyes and tossed him his phone. "We're going to that Mediterranean place down by the New York Aquarium. You should show up a little before eight."

* * *

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Thank you so much for all the reviews and ideas! It was so hard to pick only one path to go down for this chapter. Does anybody else write multiple versions of what follows after the first chapter? I definitely do, there is like 3 other versions of this story so far because for realsies how can you pick?

I just love Gina and Rosa too much so this turned into a lot of dialogue, even though I like writing flirty, awkward, build-up-y stuff between the two main characters. I kind of suck at writing/imagining what would happen AFTER the build up. I guess everybody does cause it's such a risk having characters get together in TV shows.

The only real successful pairing I can really think of is Leslie/Ben from Parks and Rec because the show stayed funny even when they got together. BUT they are a very chaste couple, like we don't see a lot of couple-time between them so maybe that's why? Idk okay I'm rambling again I just think about tv and hook ups a lot okay.


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